I will say you don't sound like someone who follows the extremist 'gender critical' rhetoric. I will also agree that the bathroom/changing room problem is complicated.
Once a transgender woman has had surgery so that their bodies no longer look biologically male, where do they go shower? They certainly cannot shower with men at that point. Yes, they haven't changed their chromosomes, but if they no longer have a penis or testicles, and instead have a neo-vaginal canal and neo-clitoris, you cannot expect them to be able to shower with other men and expect them not to be assaulted.
The same goes for transgender men. In fact, transgender men, even if we do not have surgery to look biologically male (through the means of phalloplasty and removal of breasts), most women wouldn't want us showering with them because after a few years on Testosterone, we look like men. Albliet men without penises in some cases.
Thankfully, I'm privileged enough to have my own home gym so I don't need to concern myself with such things, but what are my fellow trans people supposed to do? Never go to the gym? Never urinate in public? Seriously, what do you propose we do?